How can a LAR help with conflict

I recently did a post about preparing for conflict management.  A follow-up question is when and how to involve your LAR.

The answer is: Always keep your LAR in the loop whether you ask her to be at the meeting or not.

Here is how I run my conflict meetings.

1. Everyone needs to be open-minded:
I ask everyone to come to the table with the right frame of mind.  Use empathy and patience and be prepared to talk, listen and brainstorm solutions.  Remember there are always two sides to the story and all may not be what it seems. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt and avoid the temptation to make him or her out to be a villain.

2. Allow for discussion:
This meeting needs to be a safe place where everyone can and should speak freely.  Everyone takes turns and not speak over each other. That means that we must listen and communicate openly and always be respectful. Speak of specific behaviors, not generalities or use personal attacks. There is usually blame all around so try not to use accusatory language and remember that everyone is trying to reach the same goal.

3. Brainstorm for solutions:
There are no bad ideas in brainstorming.  Write them down and explore each one. Find the pros and cons to each suggestion.  You may find that while one idea may not work, it will lead to another one that will.

5.  Action Steps:
Decide what everyone’s part is and agree to follow-up until the situation is resolved.

At the end of the meeting I always ask everyone to think of that moment as a new beginning.  The old issues are in the past and everyone gets a clean slate.