Keeping peace with the children

Guess what? Siblings arguing, squabble, bicker, fight or just plain ‘at each other’s throats’.  It is the dreaded Sibling Rivalry and it is not pleasant to hear, see or deal with. However It is simply part of human nature to disagree and challenge, though children have to learn where the limits for such behavior lie. So how can we cope with it, teach them, help them understand and keep our sanity? The following will help everyone, parents, families, au pairs and babysitters alike to deal with arguments between children.

1. “Do It Yourself” – Encouraging Children to Solve it Themselves

When you end up in an argument with someone, like your spouse for example, do you always need a mediator or in-law to intervene? I suspect that not only do you not need a mediator, but likely don’t usually want one. Children, like most adults have a desire for independence. When they find themselves squabbling, do not run to stop it unless truly necessary. Let them put their skills into action. Kindly remind them that you know they are capable of solving the problem themselves. When things have calmed, grasp teachable moments to help them better understand how to communicate and resolve.

2. Busy Means Bliss

The more bored you are, the more trouble you are bound to get into. It applied to us as toddlers, children and even today. The busier you keep those children, the less they will feel compelled to argue and fight, mainly since their minds will be elsewhere and their little bodies occupied.

3. Lead by Example

Like everything else we do in life, we’ve had to learn how to do it first. We have learned by observation or explanation. It is your responsibility, as a trusted example, to be sure you are always showing positive ways of dealing with conflict in your home. Children should never witness you shouting, raising your voice or being unreasonable. It can almost be guaranteed, if you behave in a negative manner, children will nearly always mimic you. It is easier to build healthy habits and behavior from the start rather then having to undo bad ones.

4.  Redirect them!

Sometimes, you just need to deter, distract and entertain. If you can get them to smile and move on, everyone will have a better day. So when the ‘usual’ is not working, opt for something that will completely surprise them and get their minds onto something else.

Mostly remember that arguing comes with the territory.  Take a deep breath and don’t get pulled in yourself.  

If it appears they are arguing beyond the norm, it may just be a phase they are going through or the expression of a need they have that is not being met. Be attentive to what triggers these arguments most often, as this will likely help you understand how to avoid them occurring in the future.  Good luck!